Michigan changed us in so many ways

So fast forward to this summer, and off we went to Kaufman Children’s Center in Michigan for the month of July.  Leaving the big boys at my parents the night we left was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  Knowing that I wouldn’t see them for almost a month was devastating, and I cried all the way home.  Jason drove us 22 hours to the northwest suburbs of Detroit, and then flew back home.   So it was just Charlie and me for almost three weeks.  In a small hotel room.  Me and an almost 3-year-old!!  There were days when bedtime couldn’t come fast enough.

We looked like Sanford and Son moving into the hotel in Novi, MI, which was about 20 minutes from Kaufman Children's Center.

While I expected to learn a lot at summer SPEAK with Nancy, to say it exceeded my expectations is an understatement.  Each morning, we had a 30-minute session with Nancy and a 30-minute session with one of the other fantastic SLPs at KCC.   Nancy got more out of Charlie in the first session of therapy then his home therapist would get in 3-4 sessions.  I was in awe of Nancy.  Of course, she did tell me after that session that he had “some behaviors we needed to extinguish.” I love that word!!  Behaviors like turning his head if he didn’t want to try a new sound/word or raking the toys off her table when he thought he should be done.  Kiddos do NOT get away with those behaviors in Nancy’s therapy room, and I supported her 100 percent.

Charlie and the wonderful, incredible, unbelievable Nancy Kaufman

After lunch each day, we had a 60-minute group session with the other boys in SPEAK, who were from around the country and Canada.  One thing we learned through group was that Charlie has social anxiety.  He’s such a bubbly, happy kid at home that it never dawned on me that he would hide his face when it was his turn to “talk” in group.  It took almost the entire three weeks of SPEAK before he opened up and tried to approximate sounds without major prompting from Nancy.

Group therapy was just as important for me because I got to see other boys who were like Charlie.  Even though he was clearly the most severe of the group, it was great to see where he will hopefully be at some point next year.  The other key learning from group was how normal Charlie is in his activity level.  All the parents watched group from a two-way mirror, and it was quite humorous.   Those boys wore out Nancy and the other therapists helping in group.  Our running joke was which parent was going to called out to help with their kid first.  Any boy momma can totally relateJ

The SPEAK brothers from other mothers:)

Getting to meet other parents of CAS kids was an added blessing I wasn’t expecting.  I made friends that I know I’ll have for a long time (even though they will be long distance friendships).   I call them my SPEAK sisters.  Having a child with apraxia is very isolating because no one has ever heard of it.  Most can't fathom what it's like to know your baby so desperately wants to tell you he'd like a snack, but he can't find the words.  So he does the next best thing...grunts and points.  It’s a tough road we are on, but it’s comforting to know these ladies are just a phone call/text away.  I don’t feel so alone anymore.

The next several paragraphs I’m borrowing from a blog written by my SPEAK sister Jenny.  Jenny and her son Colten are from New York and attended SPEAK with us.  She wrote the most beautiful blog about her experiences, and I could not have said it better myself.   I’ve changed some things to mirror our experience, but Jenny eloquently wrote the majority of the words. If you’d like to read Jenny’s story about her expereince in its entirety, please visit her blog at http://flowercityfashionista.blogspot.com/p/apraxia-awareness.html

Excerpt from Jenny’s blog (with changes to fit Charlie):

In addition to daily therapy and friendships made, we learned so much as parents. We were taught how to script, how to approximate, how to cue and how to implement the philosophy of errorless teaching into practice. We left with the tools and the confidence to help him reach his speech goals.

If I had to sum up the more important things we learned, I think we took away three major lessons from SPEAK and our three weeks with Nancy Kaufman at the KCC.

•   Expect more because they are capable of so much more.

I think we, as parents, tend to unknowingly give our special needs kiddos a pass.  We know they struggle, so we try not to be too demanding of them.  And I have been very guilty of that (as have members of our family).  Charlie’s needs are met with minimal effort and communication – mostly through gestures and grunts.  Nancy proved to us that he is capable of so much more and that we can no longer accept “eh eh eh” or one word answers all the time.  We were doing him a disservice.  He can imitate.  He needs to do more.  He needs to speak.  And with help, he can.  I am so thankful that Nancy is bold enough to tell parents things they don’t necessarily want to hear, but need to hear.  In a world of wishy-washy people, it is so refreshing to meet someone who speaks the truth: no sugar-coating, no BS, just the truth.  And believe me, she spoke a word of truth to each boy momma about her little “angel.”  Charlie and I did not get a pass on this one either!!

•   Approximations are better than nothing.

One of the biggest criticisms of the Kaufman Speech to Language Protocol (KSLP) is that it TEACHES approximations.  In my opinion, this is the program’s greatest strength.  I am not an SLP or an expert in the field by any stretch of the imagination, but to me this makes perfect sense.  Apraxic children are overwhelmed by all of the complex speech sounds needed to form words.  That’s the root of this whole disorder. 

Why have them shut down because it is too hard when you can teach them to say “a-po” for apple (which Charlie can clearly say when he wants an apple) or “buh-deh-dee” for spaghetti?  Isn’t an approximation better than “dah, dah, dah” or “eh, eh, eh,” or worse:  silence?  Typically developing children approximate all the time!  Word approximations give these kids a starting point.  Every word can be broken down to a level that a child can imitate and coming up with appropriate approximations is easy to do once you get the hang of it.  If the whole word is too tough, we break it down.  Even if I use just the vowel sounds as a starting point, it's a start. Now he is able approximate simple 2-3 word sentences with lots of scripting, which brings me to the next lesson we learned…

•   Script. Script. Script.

Before we went to Michigan, no one had attempted to teach Charlie to say a sentence.  He didn’t really imitate well and had a very limited vocabulary.  Day one of SPEAK, Nancy had him saying pivot phrase like  “I want,”  “Put on” and “Open door.”  Seeing his progress made me realize what was missing from his home therapy program: scripting.  Now it is something we do all day, every day.  We had to completely change the way we communicate with him.  It is still not second nature to us, but our efforts are making a difference. 

Colten’s story and Charlie’s story are quite similar in some areas.  And even though she’s a Jersey girl and I’m a Texan, we hit it off like peas and carrots!!! Thank you Jenny for letting me borrow your wordsJ

Now it’s my turn again, so let’s jump back into scripting.  For example, when Charlie says “oo oo ah ah” and I know he wants to watch Curious George, he should be saying “I want mu ee” (monkey).”  I make him say the words and the more accurate approximation for “monkey” since George is way too hard from him right now. We need to script everything he wants to say because otherwise, he will revert back to grunts and gestures.  He still uses them, but we do our best to direct him into a “sentence” or at least his best approximation for what he wants.

I’ve had a lot of people ask how we were able to pull off me being going for almost a month.   If you know me well, I’m the cheapskate in our relationship, so Jason was adamant that he didn’t care how much it cost us.  Charlie WAS going to Michigan.  It was challenge to coordinate what the big boys were going to do, but my parents totally stepped in and took charge of Griffin and Carter.  Quite frankly, I think the boys were perfectly content with their own king-size beds, a huge playroom and a swimming pool.  And did I mention lovely cooked to order meals each night?  I think I need a couple of weeks at Camp CocoPapa myself!!

Our last day in Michigan.  We drove to Indianapolis so I could work a race the next day.                                                 Don't you love God's timing!!

The month was exhausting and expensive with the SPEAK fees, added OT sessions, hotel, gas, food, plane tickets for Jason – you get the picture. But we’d do it again in a heartbeat.  The confidence and hope Nancy gave us for Charlie’s future was worth every penny we spent.  If we could move to Michigan for a couple of years so Charlie could work with Nancy each week, I might have to get over my dislike of the cold and snow.

Once we got home on July 31, reality set back in.  We were no longer under Nancy’s wing and once again, on our own.

Nancy Kaufman becomes a household name for us

NOTE: After reading my first post, I realized I didn't include Jason much.  While I do the lion's share of Charlie's therapy, he is supporting us every step of the way.  Nothing is more precious than hearing Charlie work on his words with his dad.  And believe me, you've never seen a prouder man than when Charlie learned to say Daddy in Michigan.  Jason, I love you!!

August 2011 brought the final realization that Charlie did indeed have apraxia when my mom and I took him to see a seasoned SLP in Allen.  Coco found Sally after doing one of her many midnight Internet searches.  Sally was no nonsense and very direct about Charlie’s speech issues. She was convinced has apraxia, even though he was barely 2 years old.  She laid out an aggressive (and extremely expensive) therapy program.  

Sally also casually mentioned an apraxia specialist named Nancy Kaufman who pioneered several treatment methods for apraxia.  I remember very clearly my mom and I eating lunch at Taco Cabana after spending two hours with Sally talking about Charlie and what a hard road was ahead of us.  I was so overwhelmed by Sally’s matter-of-fact diagnosis that I cried most of the way through the meal. 

If we lived closer to Sally and her Allen clinic (it was 90 minutes one way from our home), we might have started therapy with her.  Since we didn’t, I started the search for an SLP in Fort Worth.  Finally in October, we found a clinic in Fort Worth that had a therapist who had some training in working with apraxia.

While Charlie made slow progress with the new SLP through the fall, I continued to research and learn everything I could about this condition that was choking his ability to speak.  Even though he had a few sounds, Charlie still communicated primarily through grunts and gestures.  And believe me, he could be quite animated when he really wanted something.

My mom and I continued our daily research on apraxia, and we found a speech clinic in Houston that was doing an apraxia boot camp the week before Christmas.  So Charlie and I packed up and headed to the Carruth Center in Houston.  The Carruth Center, coincidently, is a satellite clinic for Nancy Kaufman.  There was that name again. 

As I soon learned, Nancy is one of the national experts in apraxia.  She’s been a clinician for 33 years and has developed a line of assessment and hands-on therapy tools that both SLPs and parents can use.  The SLPs at Carruth use her methods almost exclusively, so I got to see how well Charlie responded.  Once again, the pros in Houston agreed completely that Charlie had CAS.   It was hard to hear yet another SLP confirm the hard road we were facing.  

As luck would have it, I found out Nancy Kaufman was scheduled to speak at Texas Tech University in February 2012.  My mom and I made the six-hour drive to hear Nancy’s presentation on “Children Who Struggle to Speak.” The audience was mostly SLPs from West Texas, New Mexico and Oklahoma, with a small sprinkling of parents.   After hearing Nancy talk about the hallmarks of apraxia, I was convinced 100 percent that was what Charlie had.  He WAS the poster child for severe apraxia in my mind.

Among the videos Nancy shared with the group were a couple from her SPEAK program.  SPEAK is her summertime program in which six children to join her team in West Bloomfield, Michigan for three weeks of intensive therapy. 

My mom and I got to have lunch with Nancy and three other parents to discuss our children.  I also ran into (okay, I followed) Nancy in the bathroom, and we talked more about Charlie.  She recommended I send her a video of Charlie in therapy so she could give us her opinion.  In the back of my mind, I was secretly praying we could figure out a way to spend three weeks in Michigan for SPEAK.  Nancy gave me more hope about Charlie’s future than I’d had in months, so I wanted her to see how much Charlie struggled.

Jason put together a 30-minute video, with a Power Point “selling” Charlie to Nancy.  When she called me a week later to discuss what she saw on the video, she agreed with that Charlie was special little boy.  She gave us some ideas to incorporate into his private therapy, but more importantly, she said he was great candidate for her summer SPEAK program...

Apraxia? Never heard of it

As anyone who knows our family is aware, Charlie struggles to speak.  Actually, struggle is a generous word.  If I’m honest, Charlie really cannot produce spontaneous speech on his own.  He has a rare neurological condition called childhood apraxia of speech (CAS).  I pulled the following description from the Apraxia Kids.com site:

Childhood Apraxia of Speech is a neurologically based speech disorder that can affect anyone. These children have difficulty creating the motor plans to produce and sequence sounds into speech. The brain knows what it wants to say, but it is not communicating effectively with the mouth. CAS requires frequent, intensive therapy with a professional who understands the problem and knows the techniques to help children progress. It also requires full family support and regular reinforcement outside of the therapy room. These families live, eat, and breathe apraxia.

To look at Charlie, you would NEVER know he is a special needs child.  He has the most infectious smile and darling laugh.  He adores his big brothers (when he’s not pounding on them or trying to steal their toys).  After his stint in the NICU when he was born, the neonatologist told us we needed to watch his development in three areas because of the pure oxygen he received and the jet ventilator he was on (both which helped to save his life): his vision, his hearing and his speech. 

His vision and hearing had easy methods to detect any deficiencies.  A pediatric eye specialist examined his eyes when he was an infant and assured us the oxygen he received in the NICU did not damage his retinas.  So, I checked that off my worry list.   At 9 months, we did a sedated hearing test at Cook Children's, and again, everything came back a-okay.  So from 9 months on, the waiting game began to see if Charlie would have any speech challenges. 

When I think back to the summer of 2010 when he turned 1, down deep I knew he was going to have problems.  I knew there was some terribly wrong with Charlie’s speech development, or lack there of.  And Coco (my sweet mom) will tell you the same thing.  I guess it’s just a mother’s intuition.   At his 12-month checkup, he met all his development milestones…except for language.  By that time, he had said “mama” and “dada” a handful of times, but that was it. Our pediatrician, who is a personal and dear friend of mine, was concerned too, but she wanted to give him a few more months to develop some sounds.

At his 15-month checkup in November 2010, Charlie had no new sounds or words (and he’d lost mama and dada completely), so we decided it was time to call Early Childhood Intervention (ECI).   He was seen for the first time right before Christmas.  I’ll never forget the day, Dec. 22, when I first heard the word apraxia from the ECI case managers.  I couldn’t even spell it, much less did I know what it was.  During that evaluation, he was found have the language development of a 6-to 9-month-old. 

After the ECI ladies left, I did what any normal mom would do.  I went straight to the internet to found out what apraxia was.   I was so distraught by what I found, I cried.  Apraxia was not just a speech delay…something that a little therapy could overcome in a few months.  It has no cure, no magic bullet.  This apraxia was serious business, and it wasn’t something I was prepared to label Charlie with.  So we waited. And hoped these ladies, who were not trained speech therapists, were wrong.

It took ECI almost three months to assign Charlie a speech language pathologist (SLP).  After a couple of sessions, she thought Charlie might have apraxia, but said he was too young to diagnose.  So she treated him as though he had expressive language disorder until “she could rule out apraxia.”

For an hour each week, she would use books and puzzles and toys to elicit sounds out of him, any sounds.   I would clap and praise him for practically any sound he made.  The ECI SLP also suggested we teach him some sign language, which he picked up on very quickly. 

This weekly dance went on for six months.  The SLP would come to attempt to get Charlie to make rudimentary consonant and vowel sounds.  I’d cheer him on.  Then, I’d work with him during the week on the sounds he was supposed to be learning.

In hindsight, I should have dropped ECI after the first few months because as well-meaning and sweet as our SLP, she wasn’t being aggressive enough with him.  At his 2-year-old checkup in July 2011, he was still grossly behind on his language milestones.  He still had no words and one very worried momma.

Throughout last year I can’t tell you how many well-meaning family and friends told us (and my mom) one or more of the following:

    “He’s a boy.  They usually are late talkers.”

    “His brothers are talking for him, so he doesn’t have to learn any words.”

    “Your house is too loud.” – well duh, we have three boys!!!

And my personal favorite:

“           “He will talk when he’s ready.”

Deep down, I knew everyone was 100 percent DEAD wrong with their theories, but my heart hoped someway, somehow, one of their theories would be right. 

I've been inspired this weekend

I've been writing on and off all weekend to capture all the highlights of Charlie's journey over the last two years.  I'm still working on the recap, and it already four pages long...yikes!!!!  I think I'm going to break it up into more manageable chunks.

Don't think I'm forgetting about the big boys.  They were and continue to be amazing.  Griffin and Carter continue to bless us every day, and I'm so proud of them.

I'm back...to tell our story

It's time...time to get our story written down so I don't forget all the little things my three stooges are doing.  Especially Charlie.  Sweet Charlie.  What a roller coaster ride we've been on with that boy.

Over the next week or so, I want to chronicle the highlights I've missed over the last two years...yes I said YEARS, since I've blogged.  It's kinda like getting older.  I figure I can either beat myself up for not blogging, or I can be proud of myself for realizing that even a short post is better than no post at all.

Now if I can just figure out this new version of blogger...sigh.  I think I need Mama Sue's help:)

Day 1 of our vacation -- my learnings

We've been driving for 11 hours and here's what I've learned so far:
1. Charlie does not appreciate bright lights at night.
2. I apparently don't care for Louisiana because I slept most of the way across it.
3. Monroe, LA smells digusting. I don't think I could even stop to pee in that stinky town.
4. Hitchhikers think Charlie is cute at 5 a.m. I didn't think the hitchhiker was so darling at that hour.
5. Sunrise over the Mississippi River is beautiful.
6. Cracker Barrel breakfast is awesome regardless of what state you are in (Hattiesburg, MS)
7. Mississippi has a booming log business. Who knew?!?
8. Roadside veggie stands make for fun pitstops. I bought peaches, tomatoes, cantalopes and boiled peanuts. Yummy!
9. Don't feed Charlie a cheerio while he's in his carseat. No really, don't. Jason did it while I was buying the goobers, and poor Charlie decided to inhale said piece of cereal instead of chewing it. Needless to say I came back to the truck to find a baby covered in barf. Thank goodness Jason has a cast iron stomach. Ten wipes and a change of clothes...presto, a clean Charlie:)
10. A full belly coupled with driving all night don't mix. That state trooper got Jason's attention when he made a u-turn and came roaring up behind us. As I'm panicking over where the insurance card is, that sweet law man whipped around us and busted the poor sap in front of us with Texas plates. Whew!! I did NOT want an out of state ticket as a souvenier. Jason has been coherent ever since:)

That's all for now. My finger hurts from typing.

My dream Saturday morning just before I woke up

Don't you hate those dreams you have right before you wake up for the day?  The ones you remember in incredible detail?  Well, this was one of those dreams.  In my dream, I was working out with our friends Summer and Mimi. 

First of all, for as much as I HATE exercise, this was indeed a dream...no, maybe a nightmare.  And second, if you know Summer and Mimi, you'd know they are two of the fittest, trimmest, healthiest women you'll ever EVER meet.  Summer is a trainer with a master's degree in something fancy to do with nutrition and exercise, and Mimi has done a couple of marathons AND teaches boot camp with her sweet hubby three days a week.  So needless to say, it would only be in a dream that I could hang with these two lovely ladies in a workout.

After we finished with the sweat-fest (in my dream), they looked at my flabby tummy, turned to me and said in their sweetest voices, "Honey, there's really no hope for that.  You really need to get liposuction or a tummy tuck!!"  In real life, Mimi and Summer would NEVER say anything like that to me...even if it were the honest truth.  They were mortified when I told them that story last night after church. 

Can you guess what I did yesterday when I got up?  Nope, not eat a box of donuts.  I did my Pilates DVD...and boy am I sore today.  I guess the ladies were "speaking" some truth after all. 

The countdown has officially begun for vacation

Florida get ready!!  The Lains are coming your way on Tuesday for a week of fun, relaxation and playing in the water (pool or ocean...we don't care.)  The piles of laundry are almost clean.  Not folded and put away yet, but clean. 

It's 103 degrees today, and poor Jason has been out putting up an electrical fence so our Houdini of a dog will stop digging out of our yard to go trolling around the neighborhood.  She is in for a serious surprise later today.

This is random, but considering my fabulous job as a NASCAR PR queen, you can see why I love this commercial!!  Especially since the No. 20 hauler parks next to the No. 12 at the races (I'm going to Michigan as a matter of fact in two weeks for the race). Even if you're not a NASCAR fan, you will get a kick out of this commercial I promise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWLt34JGbEc

Ta ta for now.

Some random photos I love of my boys:-)

Fun day at the museum

I got the pleasure of taking five kids (my three plus cousins Conner and Sydney) to the Museum of Science and History today.  Carter actually started the day off in perfect fashion when he woke up with "Wow Mommy, that was a short night!!" Then Becky brought donuts for the kids. Great, I thought. Just what I needed were kids on a sugar high, but it didn't phase one of them thank goodness.

Yes, I said pleasure because other than the occasional bickering about who was going to push Charlie's stroller and reminding the boys not to run, they were very well behaved.  One grandmotherly-type even complimented me on how well-behaved the kids were.  This was after she watched me scold the boys for running...he he he.

I think the boys enjoyed it more than Sydney, but then she loves to be with Charlie, so everyone was happy. Conner and Griffin especially loved the "motion" room where they tried to build a roller coaster out of card stock, paper cups and painter's tape.  They could have done that for hours. Sydney and I tried to build a marble maze, but the um, directions, weren't very good.  Soooo, our marbles just hit the floor:(

All in all, it was a great day, and I hope I get to take them all back again this summer.  Although, next time, we will leave sweet Charlie at home because honestly, it was kinda dull for him.

The joy of summer and snowcones!!

My new cleaning crew

I borrowed a great idea from Clover Lane for cleaning our floors. Griffin and Carter thought it was a swell idea to "ice skate" across the floor with towels on their feet and a squirt bottle. Griffin even took to a step further and cleaned the kitchen lights for me.

Now if I could just get them to flush the toilets and pick up their dirty clothes:) I know, who am I kidding!?!?!?!

He turned 1 last week

I'm finally coming to grips with having a 1-year-old. Charlie had his check up with the lovely Dr. Vert yesterday, and he was off the charts literally. He weighed 21.5 pounds and is an AMAZING 33.5 inches tall (or should I say long???) Whoa mama!! He grew three inches and gained three+ pounds in three months. I hope this isn't a trend...I'll never keep the boy in clothes or shoes.

He had a great party Friday night...well, he actually had two parties since Becky and Greg were going to be out of town for the real party. So we had a mini party on Wednesday (his actual day of birth). He enjoyed being the center of attention, but the funniest part was that the Brothers Lain practically knocked their baby brother down to get at his toys. I mean really, a 4- and 8-year-old who are excited by baby toys!!! God love them, I can dump all the electronics, Legos, trains, etc and just buy them baby toys. Hallelujah.


Here are some pics from the parties (thank you Mama Sue for helping with the photography!!! -- we love you!!)

Hmm, what's in this package? Notice the ever vigilant Carter and Mama Sue's precious daughter assisting with the presents.

Nope, it's wasn't better then my nubby ball.

Conner, Sydney and the Brothers Lain during the first party.

Cupcake!! Not a big fan of icing, so we scraped some of it off for him.

Now, that's a happy 1-year-old!!! Love you bunches Charlie O.

Two random things

I LOVE LOVE LOVE using the word "hinky". I can use it in a sentence -- My computer is acting hinky tonight -- but I'm not sure I can actually spell.

So there's your word of the day.

You're welcome:)


We have nicknames for the boys:
Griffin -- either Eddie as in Eddie Haskell or the Professor. Self explanatory

Carter -- Gabby because he will talk your ear off about any subject he can think of

Charlie -- Beaver. The boy will chew on ANYTHING, and I do mean an y THING. Books, shoes, boxes, Legos (yikes!!!), dog bowls, body parts, especially shoulders and fingers. It's a challenge to have him loose in the house right now.

Hard to believe it's been a year

Since I looked like this. Charlie was born shortly after this photo was taken (at 1:31 a.m. on July 14).

I love these two photos. The first one is when my OB came in to deliver Charlie, and the second is the actual time he was born. I like 15 minutes from start to finish for a baby!!!

I can't believe it's been almost 365 days since that sweet baby boy blessed our family. What a year we've had. He's been our most challenging baby as eating, sleeping and a schedule were NOT part of his overall plan. But we've all learned to coexist peacefully in the last 12 months, and I dare say, we've all thrived for the most part.

Now we have a baby who sleeps through the night (most of the time), is learning to feed himself, can drink from a sippy cup, is considering taking some steps, can say Mama and Dada...and he waved bye-bye for the first time tonight. Such milestones for a boy who was a little blob last July (but such a cute blob!!!)

Thank you God for Charlie Owen!!!

I am back, and I am sad

Sad because my baby will be 1 on July 14. Sad because my oldest baby will be 9 in October. Sad because my second baby will be 5 in October. I'm just sad. I keep threatening not to have a party for Charlie because if I do, he really will have to turn 1 on July 14. Can't we just skip over that day and go directly to the 15th?

I wasn't sad about Griffin and Carter's first birthdays. I guess it's because deep down I knew they weren't my last babies. But Charlie is our last baby (thanks to a little nip and tuck Jason had in March), and it makes me sad. I never knew I'd love being a mom as much as I do. I love 98 percent of the minutes I have with my boys. (I have to be realistic as some times they do drive me crazy.) Why do the days go by slowly, but the weeks and months fly by? Do all moms feel this way as their kids grow up? My heart aches with pain and overflows with joy all at the same time when I am with them. Am I just crazy? I promise I'm not depressed, just having a hard time with everyone hounding me about Charlie's birthday party.

I've said this a hundred times...if I were younger, we'd have another one. And it has NOTHING to do with wanting a girl. It has everything to do with loving kids...MY kids. I hope I'm doing a good job as their mom. I see so much of myself in Griffin, and yes, I do some parts of me in Carter. Charlie is a mystery, but a delicious one at that. I just love these boys so much.

Okay, enough pity on this beautiful July 4. The house was quiet, and I felt the need to write. I leave you some recent photos of my beloveds.